We all make ‘em. We all keep them. We all have them. We all dream them. We all change them.
And sometimes we just flat out cancel them.
Plans. I had plans. My littles, that aren’t so little, but I still always want to call them my littles and probably always will, and I had plans to board a plane and fly to Chicago and make a stop and change from this plane to that plane and go on to Ohio, where we would be greeted and grinned at and hugged by family.
And we were going to party. Because my sister just turned forty! And I don’t often get to celebrate her birthday with her face to face and this year maybe we would. Because how can she be forty when my mom and dad just turned forty? And me, only four years behind her.
And my son was excited because he was going to fly on a plane and Renae was excited to fly again, because she flew to Idaho last autumn and she loved the thrill of flying.
Most of the time when I make plans, things are routine and I live life and carry on with the plans we’ve made.
But PRESSURE and PAIN put an abrupt brake and monkey wrench in the whole clockworks this time.
And plans changed from planes and parties to pain in my lower back and other canceled plans and to pillows and tears and pills and pressure and pulling, then to feeling a bit better, then on to pinched sciatic nerve and numbness and not walking and facedown-flat-on-the-floor leveled.
To say the least.
Pain is a good thing. Really. It alerts us that something is wrong. People that don’t feel pain can quite literally do themselves in because of the lack of pain.
But, boy can pain, be a pain!!
And when I’m hurting, things that would normally mean a great deal or activities that would normally be fun or relaxing, simply hold no appeal. I just don’t feel good and I hope for rest and relief.
My family and I talked about how differently a day can turn out in comparison to the things we thought we’d be doing the week prior. One certainty in life is that there will always be change!
My sister is fabulous and forty and I didn’t get to celebrate with her right on her day after all. Somehow I just couldn’t quite envision myself crawling through the airport to catch our next flight. And it’s pretty hard to go anywhere, when you can’t walk.
And you know what? It’s ok. I wanted to be there. Really, really. Really, really, really. But, when plans go awry, I always think about the unseen and the big picture I am unaware of and quite possibly won’t ever see.
And there’s always some silver lining of gratitude. There have been so many times I’ve made plans and haven’t had to change them. Lots of times that I did get to party, did get to hug family, did get to enjoy togetherness.
I’ve been so grateful all week for a comfortable home. So grateful for my man and kiddos and their care for me. So grateful for family and friends and chicken soup and flowers and ice packs.
And I hope to heal and one day this will be PAST instead of PRESENT. And I am thankful for chiropractors and vitamins and doctors and meds and essential oils and eating fresh pineapple to help with inflammation and thankful for things to try and thankful that I know God is good all the time, even amidst the pain.
In the Cross of Christ I glory,
Towering o’er the wrecks of time.
All the light of sacred story
Gathers round its head sublime.
When the woes of life o’ertake me,
Hopes deceive, and fears annoy,
Never shall the Cross forsake me;
Lo, it glows with peace and joy.
When the sun of bliss is beaming
Light and love upon my way,
From the Cross the radiance streaming
Adds more luster to the day.
Bane and blessing, pain and pleasure,
By the Cross are sanctified;
Peace is there that knows no measure,
Joys that through all time abide.